Posts in category "MARRIAGE BEFORE KIDS"

Guest Post on : Good Men Project

5 Awesome Side Effects of Becoming a Dad

 

Charlie was my Obi-Wan Kenobi before he even had a brain.

Charlie was my Obi-Wan Kenobi before he even had a brain.

What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting

My wife and I share a pretty amazing love story–how we met, and how it all came to where we are now. We are exceptionally compatible. The only thing we ever argued about was when/how we would decide to have kids. She was adamant about waiting at least five years+, living it up and once our fun had run its course then we could turn on the proverbial human Xerox. I on the other hand, the naturalist, held the line that kids are a part of life and that having babies means not being one. Enter nature, rearing its ugly head.

whitney_kevin_wedding_night

Whitney and I on our wedding night, happily eloped!

“There’s a name for people who use the rhythm method–they’re called parents.”
~Smartass Friend

It was a couple of weeks after we had an amazing trip to Kansas City, where Whitney had been a bridesmaid, that we suspected something was off. At the time I was doing freelance work on Long Island, and leaving very early in the morning only to return very late at night. On the way back on the LIRR (from Long Island) I remember texting with Whitney, she was telling me how utterly terrified she was at the thought of being pregnant and that there was no way she could keep a baby if it was the case.

Let’s back up a bit. Whitney and I were engaged three months after we met and married three months after that. This pregnancy scare was a rapid seven months after getting married. This was not on the radar. Hearing her say that she would not accept a pregnancy was quite scary for me, as I did not really want to start off a marriage with my wife aborting our first kid. Even hearing her saying that, I felt like I’d married the wrong woman, and that I would certainly have to get a divorce and start over. My heart sank, my stomach cringed. I cut through her frantic texting with a single reply “we will get a test, and then you will know.” (Brick plays continuously in my head)

When we met at home, there was a weird tension as though I offended her in a deeply personal way, and she was mandated to stay with me–but also needed consolation (from the enemy). We walked quietly up Manhattan Avenue to the pharmacy, picked up a test and headed home. Once she “made her mark” she didn’t want to look at it. She went and laid down on the bed, and waited for me to tell her. I watched, the little ink strips chemically and magically turn me from a newlywed into a Father. It’s a pretty awesome feeling if I say so myself.

Unable to contain a smile I walked into the bedroom. “What does it say!?” Whitney anxiously asked.
“You’re having a baby!”
…Silence…
Profuse crying
“Ohhhh Goooooooddddd, NOOOOOOOO. Get it outta me, get it outta me, I don’t want it, I don’t want it.”

Well guys, here’s one of those times where listening to your wife is not a prudent course of action. I hugged her very tightly, took her to the bed, and made sweet love to her (jk). After some consolation, I convinced Whitney to understand that we weren’t 15-year-old kids living in the Bronx (or wherever, sorry Bronx). We hadn’t planned on having a kid at this time, but we also hadn’t planned on being deeply in love and married at that point either. Life for us was, and is, always about the adventure. This was just the next step.

Pregnancy can be tiring–emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Pregnancy can be tiring–emotionally, physically and spiritually.

A COUPLE OF KEY TAKEAWAYS:

+ Most of the people on the planet, were probably not planned by their parents

+ Having a baby, when you’re not ready, is a very real nightmare to lots of women

+ As the man, you are ultimately responsible to answer for everything that happens in your family. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll be fit for fatherhood.

+ If you weren’t planning on having a kid–suck it up and move forward.